Det här med resfeber, visst är det lite speciellt ändå? Jag kommer ihåg första gången jag hade det (eller kanske har jag haft det tidigare också men inte vad jag på rak arm kan känna eller komma ihåg) på riktigt. Det var när vi skulle åka ner till min kusins bröllop i Skåne, hur gammal kan jag ha varit? Åtta eller nio kanske? Jag var riktigt pirrig inför den bilresan, och det faktumet att vi skulle åka iväg någonstans överhuvudtaget. Dagen innan kom morfar förbi en sväng när vi stod och packade i källaren, och frågade om vi hade resfeber. Mamma svarade att det hade vi allt men på den tiden förstod jag ju inte riktigt innebörden av resfeber var. På själva resdagen hann vi inte komma längre än till Mölndal innan jag behövde kräkas. Resten av den, egentligen relativt korta, bilresan åtföljdes av ytterligare två stopp för min del, men ett var faktiskt falsklarm.
Andra gången var när vi skulle åka till Thailand. Jag skyller på turbulens i luften och att jag blir illamående av flygplan. De andra tror mig inte. Men även där kan jag faktiskt erkänna att jag var lite nervös och pirrig, så det var nog en släng av resfeber under den resan också. Bortsett från på hemresan, då var jag faktiskt bara åksjuk.
Men allteftersom vi i familjen rest allt mer så har det också blivit allt pinsammare att ha min åkomma. Nu borde jag ju vara så van vid att resa. Efter att ha sett så många olika platser så borde jag inte vara nervös och pirrig inför det längre. Men den här gången är jag det.. Och på ett sätt så känns det jättehärligt att ha resfeber. Hela magen pirrar så fort jag tänker på att jag åker om 22 dagar. Och Tanzania är det som nästan tar upp all min vakna tid just nu så pirret känner jag av hela dagarna. Det är mysigt.
Men även om det mesta av pirret är positivt så är inte all nervositet det. Med jämna mellanrum känner jag av den där dåliga nervösa känslan, den där oron som liksom gnager hål i magen på mig. Kommer jag verkligen klara mig alldeles själv så länge? Tänk om något blir fel eller tänk om jag inte förstår? Tänk om jag tagit för lätt på allt eller tänk om det inte blir som jag tänkt mig? Hundratals sådana frågor dyker upp i huvudet på mig och hur tacklar man dom egentligen? Hur blir man av med den dåliga resfebern?
För många kan svaret verka ganska uppenbart. Men för mig som alltid sett glaset som halvtomt istället för halvfullt så är detta lite som en uppenbarelse för mig: man vänder den dåliga resfebern till en bra resfeber istället! Det låter enkelt men kan också vara förbannat svårt. Jag ser fortfarande allt som halvtomt istället för halvfullt, bortsett från när det gäller den här resan. Jag har drömt och planerat den här resan sedan jag var 14 år gammal och jag vägrar låta mitt egna huvud få komma ivägen från att utnyttja chansen och möjligheten helt! Känner jag att jag inte klarar av att vara själv så får jag lära mig att klara mig själv ändå. Om något blir fel så får jag göra det rätt igen och om jag inte förstår så får jag lära mig att förstå ändå!
Jag har för mig att detta fenomen kallas för positivt tänkande och just nu är jag full av det. Så för en gångs skull skäms jag inte över att ha resfeber. Den här gången så bevisar bara det att hela kroppen längtar efter det här äventyret lika mycket som jag gör. Om jag skulle bli illamående i bilen på väg till flygplatsen den 14:e så kommer jag bara rycka på axlarna och säga ”so what?”, jag vägrar låta det här bli en sak som vi i familjen kommer använda som internt skämt senare. ”Hej, kommer ni ihåg när Jossan fick resfeber och var tvungen att stanna på den där bensinmacken efter en kvart?” Skulle det inträffa så skulle jag ändå inte bry mig. Jag känner nästan att det vore värre om jag inte haft någon resfeber alls, det känns inte som att jag skulle se fram emot min resa på samma sätt då så jag är glad över att jag har den. Så tack resfebern för att du äntligen fått mig att uppskatta dig och för att du hjälpt mig att bara bli ännu mer taggad och nyfiken på det äventyret jag ger mig in på nu.
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